When you are bored or disappointed, “let’s go for a drink” seems so logical. You will go out with your friends, dance the whole night and drink enough to be in a good mood. When you feel alone, you will take one bottle of wine and drink it while listening to music or watching TV shows. You are still bored, disappointed and alone. You will take alcohol again and again before sleep because you deeply need relaxation.
Are you an alcoholic it does not question here. Some would say you are, others will say you are just in a bad phase in your life.
But, life goes on. You are bored, disappointed and alone more than ever. One bottle of wine or a few glasses of whiskey replaced the company of a partner (whom you didn’t find in meanwhile), laugh and joy of life, your hobbies, time with friends and family, your progress and everything with making this life worth living.
Are you an alcoholic? (Or you just need new energy and the will to live and be happy?)
By the time, there are fewer reasons to be happy and full of life. One bottle of wine, sometimes two, or half bottle of whiskey became your consolation. Your way to ignore problems. To forget everything that disturbs you. To provide calm, carelessness and “joy without reason”. It became your anesthesia. You are cut from everything, at the same time you hope that a better life will come tomorrow.
Tomorrow you will get up so hard, and if you don’t have to go to work or have other commitments probably you’ll spend a whole day in a bed. Because you hadn’t had proper breakfast, you will order some fast food. Oh, what a relief! Soda tastes so great!
People who are familiar with this behavior will recognize that you are floating in alcohol. Your nose became bigger. You are getting eye bags. Your abdomen is so huge as if it’s a watermelon in it. Probably you have cellulite on it.
You lost a cellphone in the club or taxi. “Doesn’t matter, it happens”. You forget things to do. “Because of the stress”. You dont’t have a need to spend the shiny day in nature. “It’s boring”.
No, you are not an alcoholic. You have other needs (and weakness also) whom you replace with alcohol, cigarettes, fast food, TV shows, video games…
Let me explain.
When you think about your position in this life and world, how do you see yourself?
1. As a tiny person to whom the world has an influence and shape your whole life? Sometimes, you think that you are so weak to absorb everything that goes just straight to you. You feel like a lonely cottage in top of the hill surrounded by storms and winds.
What you’ll do to make a “shield” from this “storm”? Some people will try to alleviate this impact and become less sensitive. Alcohol, cigarettes, TV shows… are great anesthesia. Like a universal pill for ignorance and careless, at the same time providing a feeling of the fulfillment (“yes, I am a little bit sad, but big pancake with Nutella, cherries, and biscuit will fix that!”)
2. You can build up and see yourself in another way. As a person who builds itself, stay strong and confident in front of the world, at the same time flexible and open for impacts (“no man is an island”). Like a castle.
If you are a castle no way that some storms can crush you. But, what makes you a castle?
With this “shield” you’ll still feel the storm, but you will be safe. You can choose which wind is ok to be in. With this “inner weapon”, you will be immune to storms that can crush you. In the end, you will not have the need to put earlier mentioned “anesthetics” in yourself.
This kind of stuff (with alcohol in the first place) isn’t so bad as itself. But they became so bad if you using them as “food” for your inner emptiness.
You don’t drink occasionally because you are an alcoholic. You drink because you feel empty.
There is no amount of alcohol in this world which can fill this emptiness in yourself (also, your liver couldn’t handle it). The only “thing” which can fill this emptiness is you.
If you can’t provide to yourself: self-confidence, the will to learn and discover, enjoy art, raising spirituality, responsibility for choices, time for hobbies and interests, be more tolerant, you really should find a therapist who will help you with that. Alcohol doesn’t make you sick, but emptiness and intolerable feelings do.
So, if you decide to become a castle, congratulations! Take a few days and try to be mental (also physical) sober.
Who you are? Do you have purpose in your life? What makes you happy and mindfulness? Do you know what you like to read and discover? What are your favorite topics?
Then start to build your shield. You will not be and feel empty ever again. Cheers to that.