- “How do I think about a relationship when I haven’t met anyone yet?”
- Now is the right time to think about what kind of relationship you want.
- Because if you have no idea about it, even if you meet a great person, you won’t be able to behave.
We know exactly how you feel while watching happy couples around you, and nothing happens in your love life. But instead of grieving, expecting, swiping, and hoping, we have a better suggestion – to lay the foundations of your relationship right now!
“How to build a relationship when I don’t have a partner” you are wondering. Well, that’s the trick.
A relationship does not come by itself, it is construction. And before you start building it with the right person, first build your “relationship personality”.
Let’s compare this to work, to make it easier for you to understand. Imagine you’re in a job interview. Your task is to show the employer why you are the right person for that company. You will point out your trump cards, what makes you a good worker, and an ideal choice.
“I am a very loyal person, and money is not my primary priority. My first priority is a sense of purpose, of fulfillment, that what I do brings results and satisfaction to everyone. Money is just a consequence of that.”
Each of us has his own statement that should “sell” us to the employer.
Let’s apply this to love life.
What your future partner will adore about you?
“We will never be bored. I can make real magic out of small, ordinary things – like making breakfast. And just because I know what it’s like to be hurt and to be afraid that it won’t happen again, a relationship with me is your safe place, filled with love, respect, and trust.”
Wow, what a statement!
Let’s see yours! Think about it, take a pen and paper and write it down!
Now comes the hard part.
Let’s talk about your partner
Let’s talk about your partner, but not in terms of what he looks like, what he does, etc. What he provides in a relationship, how you feel next to him.
By now you should know what you don’t want. Let’s start with general places, what is no one wants:
- to be ignored
- to be deceived
- lack of respect
- weak and superficial communication
- to be last on the list of priorities
Let’s translate this into positive statements:
- I have the full attention of my partner
- My partner is faithful to me
- She/he respects me
- Our communication is honest and high quality
- Our relationship is important to him/her
Okay, now we are talking! Let’s go further! Put these statements about your partner into feelings. You can visualize it, but the most important part is to feel it!
How do you feel when your partner tells his friends (in your presence) how great a person you are and how lucky he is to have met you?
How does it feel when each of you sees your friends, and there is no fear in you whether they will deceive you or make a jealous scene?
How does it feel when you have a busy day at work and he/she shows up and takes you to your favorite cookies?
How does it feel when you are in a stable, secure relationship with someone, and you correspond, cuddle and laugh as teenagers?
That’s it. Those feelings – that’s it.
When you know what you want from a relationship, what it looks like, and how you feel, you will attract someone with similar energy. Your “relationship personality” will be full of self-confidence, and that will turn away someone who wants to use or hurt you.
When you act out of fear and insecurity, you get just that – a relationship that makes you nervous, unstable, distrustful, even paranoid. You feel less valuable, that it’s not you who is right, that it’s not what you deserve. And it won’t change for to better.
On the other hand, a person who values self loves self and knows what he deserves, will attract respect, loyalty, devotion.
Always keep it in mind.